Genuine Curiosity

Author Dwayne Melancon is always on the lookout for new things to learn. An ecclectic collection of postings on personal productivity, travel, good books, gadgets, leadership & management, and many other things.

 

Learning to be ‘easy to talk to’

Ok, so you thought I was going to talk about packing, right? That's coming...but first:

This evening, I was spending a few minutes catching up on the blogs to which I subscribe -- which is something I haven't had the cycles to do lately, and it is really good climb back in. One article that grabbed me is Rosa's post on Joyful Jubilant Learning, called "Learning to Talk to Each Other."

You see, Rosa is one of the people that really got me to talk to other people in "blog world" a couple of years ago, and has been a beacon for me for how to get meaningful dialog to happen. Through her blog, appropriately titled "Talking Story," Rosa writes a lot of stuff, and reaches a lot of people. But she also listens, connects dots, and "refactors" things to make them better -- that is her real gift. Some examples I've seen:

The magic happens because Rosa is easy to talk to, and that's because she really listens and shares relevant experiences with people. She gives herself to the conversation in a way that gives you the impression that she's really paying attention, not trying to think about what she's going to say next or what she's going to do after the conversation is over.

Oh - and did I mention that I consider Rosa to be one of my best friends, even though I've never met her face-to-face, and we've only spoken live once? I don't know how she does it, but she has a knack for reaching out to me at just the right time, with something I didn't realize I needed.

One day, I hope to become as good at connecting with people as Rosa.

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My newest little black book

I've been reading Jeffrey Gitomer's "Little Black Book of Connections - 6.5 Assets for Networking Your Way to Rich Relationships" and I think it's a great resource for increasing your ability to make connections with others. The book (which is, of course, small and black) has a ribbon bookmark so you can easily keep track of where you are as you move through it. It's great having a built-in bookmark.

No swimming upstream

This book has lots of tips and tricks in it, but it definitely isn't gimmicky. I've read other networking books that were good, but this one actually feels like I could apply its principles without having to try to go against my nature. For example, I really enjoyed reading Keith Ferrazzi's "Never Eat Alone," but I don't have the right "wiring" to replicate Ferazzi's way of networking.

In this book, Gitomer doesn't force you to do superhuman things that you can't sustain. Rather, Gitomer's tips are designed to help you shift your philosophy of networking and get you to develop new, small-scale habits that add up to make you better at connecting and building relationships with others.

What can you expect to find? This little black book is filled with lots of tips to help you develop a habits for helping others before you ever ask them for help, for developing a long-term strategy for maintaining better relationships with various types of contacts, and how to consistently be yourself in your interactions with your contacts. There are also tips for how to promote yourself without being "schmoozy" and regularly touch your contacts along the way.

Tap into companion resources

In addition to the book, the author does a lot online to help enhance the book, and feed you tidbits and reminders. In fact, he provides very useful "Git Bits" (which, I imagine, is quite amusing to my British friends) via his site a www.gitomer.com. Want to sample a Git Bit? Go to his site and enter "Lifelong Learning" in the Git Bit Search field.

To actually get any of the articles, you'll need to register. If you do register, I suggest that you also sign up for his "Sales Caffeine" newsletter - it's applicable to more than Sales people.

By the way, there are a bunch of keywords in the book to help you select specific "Git Bits" for key areas of skill development.

A little something for everyone

Whether you're new to the networking game, or an accomplished connector, you're likely to find something in this book to help you improve - there are even tips on how to find and utilize a mentor in here. Many of the tips are similar to other great tips I've seen in other networking books, but this book has all of them (and more) in one place.

Think of it as a collection of "best known methods" for networking. And, by the way, Gitomer's writing style is very conversational, making this an easy read.

Oh - and that ribbon I mentioned? Now that I've finished the book, I think I'll use the ribbon for another purpose: I'll pick one area I want to focus on for developing my networking and relationship building skills, and use the ribbon to make it easy to refer back to it when I need a refresher.

So - check it out and uplevel your networking skills.

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Living Large: Shrinking Does Not Become You

OK, so I just got tagged by Thea of Life Wealth (from beautiful Australia). The object of this particular tagging scheme is to get every tagged person to share "the top 5 to 10 goals that you gotta' get so that you can truly say you have achieved your wildest dreams in life."

This one is tough - I pretty much want to do just about every interesting thing I hear about so I'm spoiled for choice, I suppose. For the past few days, I've been avoiding doing any posting here until I came to a list that felt right for me.

So, here are four goals from me:

  1. I will be part of an organization or effort that inspires and enables thousands 100,000 people per year to develop a passion for learning, helps them improve their skills, become happy, contribute meaningfully to the world, and achieve their personal goals.
  2. I will go back to school and get an advanced degree. The first time around, I didn't know how much fun learning could be - next time, I will.
  3. I will achieve financial freedom. I'll use this freedom to spend lots of time with my family, ensure that my children had whatever education they desire, spend time improving the state of primary education in the world, travel to interesting places with my wife, and build a nice cabin on a mountain.
  4. I will have a family that is healthy, happy, and knows that I love them no matter what. In particular, I will raise children that understand responsibility, respect others, have strong faith, practice good values, and have a strong sense of self worth.

I think that's enough for me.

Now, on to the tagging - I get to tag five people:

  1. EM Sky at Mind Unbound
  2. Mike St. Pierre at The Daily Saint
  3. David Zinger from David Zinger on Employee Engagement
  4. Ariane Benefit of Neat Living
  5. Greg Balanko-Dickson at The Remote Control CEO

Even if they don't pick up the tag or don't notice I've tagged them, you should go read what they have to say. It's high quality stuff.

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What box are you in?

I recently heard someone say, "You have to see the box to get out of it." Interesting concept - without knowing what's limiting you, how do you know how to overcome it? There are several different approaches I've seen to "naming" and overcoming things that may be limiting you. Here are some that come to mind:

Seek outside help

Often, we can't see our own limitations objectively. This is where coaching comes into play. As I've described here previously, a coach can help you with a totally different perspective, and the advantage of experience that you don't have. A coach can also help you question self-imposed limitations that are inhibiting your success. Need a good coach? lots of them have blogs - start Googling, or ask around.

Use your imagination

One often-underutilized resource is your own imagination. Ask yourself questions like:

  • If I could wave a magic wand, what would help me break through to the next level?
  • If I could have any helpful resource, what would it be?
  • If I had access to the perfect expert to help me solve my problem, who would that be?
  • If I could make one limitation go away, which one would it be?
  • And so on...

Often, these kinds of questions will help you gain better clarity on what's really holding you up, or help you identify where you should go to get past your current limitations. The "magic wand" question, in particular, has helped me get past quite a few stuck spots.

By the way - once you answer one of these, go ask for what you came up with ,or figure out who you can ask to get it!

Find a good "how to" resource

If you have an issue, chances are someone's written about how to solve it (or something similar). Again, Google is a good place to start. Often, I find that blogs, books, and discussion groups have extremely helpful resources to tackle new challenges. And don't forget to ask questions - if the problem stays in your head, you aren't likely to get much helpful advice.

Get clear on what you want

Ambiguity is not your best friend, when it comes to feeling like you're making progress. Often, when I'm dissatisfied with the state of things, I find that it's because I'm not really clear on the outcomes I want. Some resources that can help here include:

Take it day by day

There are lots of resources that provide great tools and techniques to break your goals into bite-sized pieces. My favorite is Lisa Haneberg's "Two Weeks to a Breakthrough: How to Zoom Toward Your Goal in 14 Days or Less" since it gives you daily assignments to help you move toward any specific goal. This is kind of like having a coach in a book. I gave my wife a copy, and she said, "This is great - at some level, I already new a lot of the things in here, but having a daily assignment keeps me from feeling overwhelmed - and there are some new tricks in here, too."

Share

Share your goals with others. Share your frustrations with others. Share your success with others. Share your experience with others. All of these things can help you get out of the box your in, or help others get out of their boxes. Feeling stuck? Don't go it alone - use the resources at your disposal.

Remember: You are responsible for your own well-being.

Got any stories, resources, or breakthroughs? Please share them!

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Go to the extreme

I've recently "flashed back" to some advice that a friend of mine gave me about 10 or 12 years ago, and have been striving to apply it more lately. Basically, his advice was this:

"When you're trying to make a decision, force your feelings about the issue to one extreme or the other, and act on the decision with vigor."

This is a bit like the mantra "Go big or stay home" that was popular a few years back. Basically, this philosophy provides a sort of focusing tool, helping you get out of the middle ground and take a decisive postion on the matter at hand. For example:

  • Avoid ambivalence - decide whether you love or hate an idea before stating your opinion.
  • Don't take on a task half-heartedly - decide that you are going to attack it with all your abilities, or decide not to do it at all.
  • If you offer to help others - decide to give them your best, or don't offer your help.
  • If you love someone - love them no matter what and make sure they always know it.

These are just a few examples, and everyone's decisions and circumstances are different. However, according to my friend, these kinds of "extreme" stances will help you live a life of vivid color and meaning, rather than one painted in shades of gray.

Another aspect of this we discussed at great length: What if you decide you hate something? Should you attack it with great vengeance? Usually, no -- just get past it, move away from it, and don't let the things you hate take over your life.

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